The Ultimate Honing Device: Common Sense

Tonight on our way home from dinner we took a detour to check out a potential property, and we got lost, big time. I can't even remember the last time I've been truly lost. In the city, "lost" just meant that I missed my turn or got the address wrong. After five minutes, tops, I'd be back on my way. Not so out here in the country where nights are pitch black, dirt roads lead to dead ends, and there are no discernible landmarks in the dark. After an hour (and literally driving in circles), we were still lost and starting to bicker.

"Put your phone away. It's never any help," I told the Wrangler, who had one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand up in the air holding his blasted iphone.

The Wrangler was dismissive. "Find location," he instructed Siri, the voice-activated computer/personal assistant that is built into his iphone.

(For those of you craving an iphone with the Siri feature, let me assure you that Siri is good for nothing. She's either (1) flirting ("What would you do without me?" she asks coquettishly after providing--usually incorrect--directions), (2) feigning confusion ("I think you said, 'Tell me more about things that are lame,'" she's replied after being asked, "Tell me the score of the Vikings game"), or (3) getting it plainly wrong ("I'm sorry, there are no restaurants near you," she's informed us, as we pulled into the parking lot shared by no fewer than three well-known restaurants). The mild-mannered Wrangler who never raises his voice to people has been known to shout at Siri, who, for her part, doesn't sit back and take it. I've had to listen to the two of them fight for long stretches of highway on many a Sunday drive.)

Siri promptly found our location...and led us in a circle through the darkest, narrowest, roughest, and most winding road in Southern California. After a good half hour we came to a crossroad that I recognized. "Hey! We just drove in a complete circle!" I yelled. "I told you we couldn't trust her." I pointed angrily at the Wranger's iphone. Darn that Siri!

"The GPS is telling us to take a right," the Wrangler said.

"That's what we did last time. I'm not driving in another circle. If you take a right, I'll scream."

"Well, what do you propose?" the Wrangler asked calmly, refusing to get riled up.

"Turn off the phone. Turn off Siri. Turn off GPS. We just need to use our common sense."

"Fine." The Wrangler powered down the devices, and I sighed with relief.

I looked around. The road to the right was narrow and dark. The road to the left appeared to be wider and smoother. There weren't as many stars in the sky to the left--a sign of the lights of civilization. It seemed pretty clear that, had we noted these simple facts and taken a left instead of blindly following technology down the path to nowhere, we would have been home an hour ago.

Sure enough, within just minutes we were rolling past a Starbucks and headed toward home. I wanted to feel smug about outsmarting a computer, but Siri's such an idiot that outsmarting her really isn't that tough.