Skinny Dippin'

I just got the latest issue of Mary Jane's Farm, which always has a fun mish-mash of ideas for "the everyday organic lifestyle" (the magazine's tag line). This month's issue touts the art of outdoor bathing. You start by placing a charming old clawfoot bathtub on top of six 12x12 concrete pavers (sort of like tiles) in the backyard. Depending on how high the clawfeet raise the tub, there should be enough space to slide a two-burner camp stove underneath the tub. Attach the gas line from the stove to a propane tank. You can build a small wooden box to hid the propane tank (a propane tank cozy!). Fill the tub with water from a garden hose, and light the burners underneath the tub. To speed up the heating process, use a piece of plywood to cover the tub while you're filling it. Once the tub is filled, turn off the burners and hop in. Use biodegradable soap so that you can simply pull the plug and drain the water when you're done.

The article includes serene pictures of antique bathtubs in the wild, surrounded by flowers, candles, and soft towels. It's an intriguing idea, but I can't get on board just yet. As a practical matter, my neighbors would get quite the eyeful. A lot of houses around here have outdoor showers for apres beach sand removal, but that's different somehow. In order to bathe in your backyard but still be able to look your neighbors in the eye at block parties, you'd have to live on a fairly private piece of property. Maybe it's just me, but when I think of land that remote, I think of places like my dad's house in northern Minnesota. And let me tell you, between the mosquitos and the gnats, I have zero desire to bathe outside in northern Minnesota.

When asked what he thought about the idea of outdoor baths, the Wrangler opined that "baths are gross. It's stewing in your own filth." I wholeheartedly disagree. I don't get that dirty. Baths are relaxing. (Although a tub of water heated by a burner and a propane tank in the backyard does sort of bring to mind a "scalding the pig" scenario.) I do like the idea of outdoor bathing, though. How very cowgirl. Consider this a heads-up, all ye future RDR guests.